17 Signs You’re With a Narcissist
It might sound strange coming from a largely nutrition-focused organization… But if you know us at all, you know we value all forms of health. That’s from the inside, out. Wellbeing in all its forms.
That’s why today’s article is a little unusual. But, it’s also very personal. Our Director was raised by and then married to a narcissist. It’s no easy thing to realize it’s happening, or know how to heal.
As they say in some circles, take what you need and leave the rest. Here’s what she had to say on this controversial topic.
I believe I was 19 when I first learned the term “narcissist”. I was at a gathering at a friend of a friend’s flat, and I spotted a book on the back of their toilet: The Road Less Traveled, by Scott Peck.
I was drawn to this book, and I remember flipping it open and speed reading a bit. I still remember the jolt that went through me reading the section about narcissist behavior. Suddenly my whole life made sense. “That’s my mother!”, was the eye-opening thought, that night.
Unfortunately, I was too mentally fragile and emotionally crippled to do much about it then. Keep in mind this was 1992 and there wasn’t really an endless source of research like we have now with the internet.
But it did open my eyes enough to slowly but surely stop blaming myself 100% for being over-sensitive, ungrateful, not living up to my potential, and unable to love…All of which were things my mother had drilled into me from childhood as true fact.
That wasn’t enough to stop me marrying a true narcissist, though. And while I won’t bore you with the dramatic 14 years that followed…suffice to say it almost killed me.
I was already trained to believe things that weren’t true and question my very sanity, but this time it and the level of gaslighting and controlling behavior was far worse.
Freeing myself and my children from that situation was a tangible relief, from night one. And the healing work that followed was not easy, but so worthwhile.
Without further ado…
Here are 17 strong signs you’re in a relationship with a narcissist that I wish I’d had before I got married…
Followed by 8 tips for next steps, including a fast path to even deeper healing if you’ve already ended this relationship.
17 Signs You’re In A Relationship With A Narcissist
1. Dating them was a whirlwind of passion, like Christmas, the 4th of July and Your birthday all rolled into one… But these days, the passionate fantasy lover you connected with so deeply has vanished, and you’re walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting them.
2. They promised you the earth but your dreams never materialized in reality.
3. They have money, but you’re not allowed to spend any, even on necessities like food and clothes.
4. You’re always wrong, even when you’re right.
5. A huge part of your relationship involves playing small to avoid being the target of your partner’s anger.
6. They “drink” your self-esteem for breakfast, leading you to doubt your self-worth and decisions.
7. You looked up the word “gaslighting” on Google and what you read made your stomach churn with dread.
8. You feel a huge pressure to conform and agree.
9. They are never EVER guilty, even when caught red handed with their hand in the cookie jar.
10. The way you remember things is always “wrong”, especially when it comes to anything your partner said or did.
11. It feels like you’re going crazy, and your partner is happy to encourage that thought.
12. You feel confused, as if living with your head in a cloud.
13. You never have time for your own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.
14. Your partner says YOU dominate them, but no one else ever accused you of acting that way.
15. Your partner is always promising the once in a lifetime trip away, the house, the perfect adventure… But it never happens.
16. You feel lonely, isolated from friends, and trapped in your relationship.
17. You suspect they are cheating, or a new person, a special “friend”, has been introduced to your relationship, and you feel deeply ashamed, humiliated, and uncomfortable but don’t know what to do about it.
Hopefully you didn’t spot your relationship in ANY of those things…
But if you did, now what?
Realizing that you are in a relationship with a narcissist can be a challenging and emotionally difficult experience.
Here are some helpful and actionable tips for navigating this situation:
1. Educate yourself: Learn about narcissistic personality disorder and its characteristics. Understanding the traits, behaviors, and dynamics of narcissistic individuals can help you make sense of your experiences and provide validation for your feelings.
2. Trust your instincts: If you have a gut feeling that something isn’t right or that your partner’s behavior is manipulative, trust yourself. Narcissists often employ gaslighting techniques to make you doubt your own perceptions. Remember that your feelings and experiences are valid.
3. Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries and communicate them to your partner. Narcissists tend to disregard boundaries and push limits. Clearly express what you will and will not tolerate, and be prepared to enforce those boundaries.
4. Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can provide support and guidance. Sharing your experiences with someone who understands can be incredibly validating and empowering.
5. Practice self-care: Prioritize self-care and engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being is crucial when dealing with the challenges of being in a relationship with a narcissist.
6. Build a support network: Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends and loved ones who can provide encouragement and assistance. Having a strong support system can make a significant difference in your ability to cope with the challenges of the relationship.
7. Seek professional help if necessary: If you find it difficult to cope with the effects of the relationship or if your safety is at risk, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with valuable guidance, support, and strategies for managing the situation.
8. Consider leaving the relationship: Recognize that it may be necessary to end the relationship for your own well-being. Leaving a relationship with a narcissist can be complicated and emotionally draining (to say the least!), but it may ultimately be the best decision for your happiness and personal growth.
All in all, it’s often complex and when you’re ready, you’ll know your ready.
Remember, each situation is unique, and it’s essential to prioritize your own safety and well-being. Trust yourself and seek support to navigate this challenging situation.
A great resource for you or anyone in a relationship with a narcissist is the brand new program, The Narcissist Trap
The Narcissist Trap is a transformational 9-day event packed with 23 world-class experts to help you escape gaslighting, confusion and abuse.
>>Find out More HERE!
If someone you know could use this information, please do share it with them. I certainly wish I’d had someone help me see the light far earlier, rather than having to almost break before rising up strong enough to leave on my own.
